If Something Doesn’t Get Processed

What should you do if a particular problem stubbornly refuses to process? As a rule, this means you’ve run into a topic whose roots are far deeper and more branched than it first appeared. A classic example is so-called self-dislike. This is a large, multi-layered structure formed from early childhood and built out of dozens, sometimes hundreds, of smaller elements — for example: “I don’t deserve anything good,” “I don’t deserve a promotion,” “I don’t deserve a normal relationship,” “I don’t deserve…” (and each of these elements is itself a conglomerate of other connected parts). Expecting that a simple instruction like “eliminate all self-dislike that I have” will produce a quick and deep result is naive. That doesn’t happen not because the tool doesn’t work, but because the problem itself is far more complex than a person assumes at the start.

Such expectations are partly fueled by a common misconception about the existence of some single “root episode” behind any problem. This idea was examined in detail in the corresponding chapter, so here I’ll just fix the consequence: belief in a single root often interferes with real work. A person tries to act “head-on” instead of decomposing the problem and gradually taking apart its structure. When no quick result appears, they start looking for “more powerful” techniques that supposedly allow everything to be removed in one go. As a rule, this ends in wasted time and effort, disappointment, and abandoning further work.

It’s important to understand that at some point the issue is not the method, but the physical limits of the human brain. When working with deep topics, we are talking about restructuring significant parts of the psyche, and that means real physiological changes in the nervous system. Old stable connections between neurons weaken and break down, and new ones form in their place. These processes are quite material and, if desired, can be recorded with objective methods in specialized clinics. Regardless of how flexible one’s thinking is, the organism simply will not allow such a task to be “swallowed” in one move. That is why it is especially important to avoid fanaticism here. Overload will only lead to exhaustion, not faster results. In such cases, only patience and consistent decomposition work.

By the way, the physiological side of these changes is one of the reasons for pendulum states. As it restructures, the nervous system consumes a significant amount of resources, which can cause a specific kind of fatigue that many have never encountered before. Any neuropsychologist or neurologist will confirm that habits, beliefs, and even stable concepts have a very concrete neural representation. Put simply, a habit is a group of neurons connected into a relatively stable network. Such a network activates as a whole and immediately, which makes habitual reactions energetically efficient. That is why the brain tends to “drive” along familiar routes.

From early childhood, a person is trained to activate certain states: guilt, shame, a sense of being bad or unworthy, the expectation of suffering, ideas about the unfairness of the world, and so on. Over years and decades, these patterns become automated. Sometimes a single thought or external trigger is enough for the entire network to activate instantly. During processing, such structures are gradually discharged and dismantled, which is what may be accompanied by setbacks — the same pendulum swings.

Therefore, if something doesn’t work right away, it is not a reason to give up. It is a signal that the structure of the problem is more complex than it seemed. Look for its components, examine it from different angles, learn to analyze and break the material into aspects. Work carefully and without strain. Childhood, relationships with parents, internalized patterns from them and from the environment, beliefs and “life lessons” all require especially thorough and detailed processing. Yes, this can be a long and not the most pleasant process, but if the goal is a real result, it cannot be bypassed.

In my experience, the vast majority of problems are eventually resolved, and some of them quite quickly. More persistent themes, related to general ways of handling one’s own attention and thinking, gradually move into the category of controlled states. They may still arise from time to time, but a person clearly sees their source and mechanism, consciously intercepts them or simply observes them calmly. These states stop poisoning your life and causing self-flagellation. Moreover, with continued work, they keep weakening.

So if you encounter a state that seems “unworkable,” there is no need to abandon the practice right away. Sometimes it is more reasonable to temporarily leave this topic and continue working according to the general plan. Over time, you will either return to it with deeper understanding, or find that it has already noticeably weakened due to indirect processing.

The conclusion here is simple. The presence of difficult, stubborn topics is normal and expected. It is not a reason for panic and not a sign that the tool doesn’t work. Just keep working. In most cases, after some time you will either remember with a smile that such a problem once existed at all, or you won’t even be able to immediately recall what exactly it was about.